The Whachamacalit

Every morning is the same.
I feel the sun on my face and wake up alone. I take a deep breath, wonder how I got here, and close my eyes again.
Five minutes later I open my eyes and force myself to get out of bed.
It's hard to get out of bed when you have no where to go and no one depending upon you. The cats don't even depend on me anymore. They just sleep with me and silently pray that they'll get fed that day.
I get terrified when the phone rings or there's a knock at the door. I lock myself up tight in here. I sleep with a bat by my bed and leave the TV on all night listening to the Tanner family deal with the pressing family issues of the 80's. My Dad thinks I should get a gun, and learn how to use it. I'm pretty sure that in the heat of the moment I would forget how to use said gun and probably shoot a cat. I want to get a dog, but then I would be the weird, lonely, "Full House" girl living with two cats and a dog. I would officially live in a zoo. A melancholy, hungry, and disconnected zoo.
I make coffee everyday and try to feel alive.
I look for work, study for the GRE's, attend to the cats, and hope tomorrow will be better.
Maybe tomorrow a friend will call, or maybe tomorrow I'll wake up next to Eric.
Perhaps tomorrow, I won't regret so many decisions in my life and actually be excited about what the future holds.
Maybe, tomorrow, I'll wake up and have my old life back. This all would have just been a dream a la "Groundhog Day", and my face would still be smiling back at me on the staff picks page.
Maybe tomorrow this crushing feeling in my chest would finally disappear, and the endless tears would stop falling.
Perhaps, tomorrow morning won't be the same as all the rest.

Time to make the donuts part duex

Okay, since Jon was quite disappointed with the fact that my last blog referenced donuts but neglected to talk about them in the post I have decided to do a donut post.

Voodoo donuts... What a truly wonderful place you are. It's like the Disneyland of donut stores. I mean it's non-stop fun full of sugary deliciousness. They even have the vegan donuts for those who respect the animals. So if you're in the Portland area I recommend stopping in and having a donut or two.

Next stop on the donut tour is the Donut Man in Glendora,CA. They are just this hole in the wall making sugary delights filled with fresh sugary fruit. I mean it's heaven, and you get a serving of fruit in every donut. MMM... I'm drooling just thinking of it.



Other than that Krispy Kreme will do in a pinch, but I have this strange desire to eat like 5 dozen when I get donuts from them. So I try to stay away from them at all cost. They do a really good job of keeping me away since the only time I need them is at like midnight and they are totally closed by then. I always try though. I mean Eric and I have driven there like a million times and always have left disappointed because they are closed.

Anyway... I write this because I am blue and I don't want to eat my feelings anymore. So instead I will electronically eat my feelings and hopefully lose a little weight.

Night.

TIme to make the Donuts.

So much time has passed since my last post. I thought perhaps I should visit with you all and post something new.

Except even though I feel I need to impart some new piece of Kim-ness upon the world I just can't find anything to fill this gaping space of whiteness with.

I mean it should be easy... there is probably only one thing truly filling my mind: weddings and my recent engagement. Yet what should be occupying my thoughts is my up coming move and total changing life. I mean I really should be able to focus on finding insurance and perhaps a job, but all I want to do is find a venue for my 2011 wedding. Absolutely ridiculous.

Don't despair though there is one other thing that creeps into the fringes of my mind: Seattle. This gloomy northwest hotspot has finally worked its way deep into the corners of my heart. Now, I am a California girl through and through so the fact that I can admit my love for this city is a bit crazy to me. But somehow this strange city has become a part of me; a part that I am proud of and not ready to give up. My love for this city has grown on me like the moss you find on the roofs of houses here. It creeps up on you slowly and silently and before you know it... BAM! Your covered in Seattle love.

With my departure quickly approaching I have been taking time to really enjoy what this city has to offer, and quite honestly this city has lot to offer. It's much more than the space needle and some ferries. It has some of the most amazing views I have ever seen, and you can enjoy a pint is some amazing bars. Even if the people can be kind of brisk at first impression, I have met some of the most amazing people. I am even marrying a Seattlite (point proven of how cool these people can be).

The moral of the story is... Seattle I love you, and I will miss your company dearly.

Goodnight Seattle. Our love affair was grand and I will never forget it, but I must be on my way. The lights are dimming and my time here is done.

Au revoir ma chérie... Au revoir.

I am in L.O.V.E.

Since going to the amazing wedding of my little Amanda I have gone even more into "I want a damn wedding overdrive".

So I was totally just browsing aimlessly and I happened upon the entire Disney princess wedding dress line and fell hard for a lovely Sleeping Beauty design.
Then upon further investigation I fell head over heels in complete and utter love of this totally gorge 50's inspired dress. It's by Candy Anthony in London. (of course, since I somehow am totally British.)

How can you not love this. It seriously brings tears to my eyes and I can totally hear the Muppets singing loud and clear about how somebody is getting married.

Someday I will wear a dress like that and dance with the love of my life to Eartha Kitt singing C'est Si Bon. And for that simple moment life will be absolutely perfect and no one will ever be able to take it away from me.

Self-help

I would like to inform the world that just because a section is called self help it does not mean that you should sit in the middle of the section and talk out your problems with your mate.
I would like to shelve my books. Please move you jackholes. You aren't buying or looking at anything. That is what the commons are for.

Jon...

This is in response to many of your blogs. Look I'm political too!
Enjoy.

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

April One

April 1st... or April Fools day as it is commonly known has been a crazy odd day.

I have come to the conclusion that a decent amount of Seattlites have had some confusion with the meaning of April fools day. I think they thought it meant... "hey it's April 1st today I get to act like a total idiot."

Instance #1
I am unhappily ringing up books when a customer with her three children who are blocking the whole entire aisle and holding up the line meander toward my cash register. Mind you there is a line of like 10 people behind her but she doesn't care. Then she grabs the high pitched dolphin flashlight lit by bright blue LEDs and shines it directly in my eyes... nearly blinds me and then laughs, and says, "ha ha gottcha!" And then does it to her son. Immediately after she does it to him she asks "oh was that to bright for your eyes?"
"yes, mom, It was."
"oh sorry son."
That's it. Never once does she turn to me and says sorry I gave you a fatty migraine and nearly blinded you with this obnoxious squealing dolphin light. Nope, just asks for a bag and takes ten years to get her hippy dippy children to get out of the way.
Amazing.

Instance # 2

Well, luckily I didn't have to be on the floor too long so I don't have more but all day long my coworkers were very vocal about their situations and the idiots that paraded through the store.

The day was dubbed craptasitic and shitlicious, and I actually heard a man ask the used counter which books we liked after he received an offer on the books he brought to sell. Which was promptly answered by the used staff with a "We liked the books we bought. You can take the ones we don't want. Like I said already."

There also was a child who sat in the food court for like 45 minutes wailing at the top of their lungs while the mother never once even looked at him.

Oh the wonderfulness of retail.

Now I will eat my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and write some poems with my ms. piggy pen in honor of poetry awareness month.

I say good night to you!